Allan Sherman (November 30, 1924 – November 20, 1973) was an American
comedy writer and television producer who became famous as a song
parodist in the early 1960s. His first album,
My Son, the Folk Singer (1962), became the fastest-selling record album up to that time. His biggest hit single was "
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah", a comic novelty in which a boy describes his summer camp experiences to the tune of
Ponchielli's
Dance of the Hours. From Wikipedia on Allan Sherman
Caution the F word and other sexual words will be usedVarious quotes by Allan Sherman
From http://thinkersandjokers.com/thinker.php?id=2136
Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting."
At Christmastime, even Santa Claus wouldn't give you love or hope unless you met his impossible conditions: "Have you been a good boy all year?" Damn him! Damn Santa Claus--has anybody ever been a good boy all year? ... "He's making a list, and checking it twice, He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice." Who the hell did he think he was? J. Edgar Hoover?
Build a better mousetrap, the saying goes -- and with the brassiere, Yankee Ingenuity did exactly that. But their true stroke of genius was the new bait. The old fashioned mousetrap was loaded with cheese; nobody cares much about cheese, except mice. But when American Know-How reloaded the brassiere with tits, every heterosexual male in the country was hopelessly trapped.
Alan Sherman, "The Rape of the A*P*E*"
Exactly what Adam and Eve were ashamed of is never clearly explained, anywhere. And why did they cover their loins? Why not their noses or elbows or big toes? And what does God wear--a Pierre Cardin suit? (And why fig leaves? Fig leaves were intended to cover up figs.) The mind boggles: If I accept the anti-nude morality, I must be ashamed of my own body. But where can I go without it? Personally, I think God is losing a lot in translation. I can't imagine him being ashamed of anybody's nude body. On the contrary, he must think it's pretty peculiar when he sees us killing other animals and wearing their skins.
God built a compelling sex drive into every creature, no matter what style of fucking it practiced. He made sex irresistibly pleasurable, wildly joyous, free from fears. He made it innocent merriment. Needless to say, fucking was an immediate smash hit. Everyone agreed, from aardvarks to zebras. All the jolly animals -- lions and lambs, rhinoceroses and gazelles, skylarks and lobsters, even insects, though most of them fuck only once in a lifetime -- fucked along innocently and merrily for hundreds of millions of years. Maybe they were dumb animals, but they knew a good thing when they had one.
Alan Sherman, The Rape of the A*P*E*
One score and seven years ago, your fathers brought forth Incontinence, a new notion, conceived by Libertines and dedicated to the Proposition: All men, when procreating, are equal. But in a practical sense, we could not dissipate, we could not copulate, we could not wallow on this ground. It wasn't yet altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
We did then slyly resolve that this nation should have no dearth of lewd freedom, and that any covering of the peephole, by the peephole, or for the peephole must perish from the earth.
Some people think a horseshoe's gonna bring 'em luck. A horseshoe is a lucky sign of course. For every set of horseshoes human beings use for luck. Somewhere in this world's a barefoot horse.
What would happen if the President, the Supreme Court, and all members of both houses of Congress were stoned out of their gourds twenty-four hours a day? The chilling truth is, it might be an improvement.
Comments (7)
Brought back happy memories. Was Sherman the man who did the sketch of getting a phone call from Walter Raleigh about what he was bringing back from the New World?"Tobacco? What's that, Walt? Leaves? What do you do with 'em, Walt? Don't tell me! Don't tell me! You stick 'em in your mouth and set light to 'em! "
@Lovegrove - The first album my brother ever bought was Allan Sherman's album with the Camp Grenada song. The internet is filled with folks with nostalgic feelings for things in the 60's
I have to agree with you (him) on the intercourse.
Horse shoes are simply shoes for horses. Those poor wild horses don't know what they are missing.
Hugs'n'Smooches!
Honestly, I don't know what to say regarding this post.
I like about the Santa Clause, asking a boy, if he was good the whole year! That is a rediculous to ask.
he's a hoot!
Great quotes! The last one is so funny!
I remember the camp song!
HUGS!